Sunday, October 23, 2016

In Light of Recent Events: (The Rape Conversation)


In light of recent events*, it’s clearly time to move the conversation about acquaintance rape out of emergency rooms and women’s studies classrooms and into university newspapers, city council meetings, high school orientations and Pan Hellenic board meetings.


*The recent events I speak of, of course, relate to the pandemic of sexual violence executed against women since at least the beginning of recorded history (and on ANY given day...). Recent and continuing events reflect a throat-constricting reality: Women on our planet universally suffer from emotional and physical violence perpetrated against them, including a form of control and cruelty so vile even most men are ashamed to talk about it. http://www.k-state.edu/womenscenter/W.A.R/congo.html

As the advocate for victims of sexual violence here at Kansas State University, I know first-hand that students and non-students are committing the crime of rape on and around this campus, just as they are on every campus in the country. Students right here at K-State are asking women to their apartments to watch a movie, to study, to have a pizza or a drink—and then overpowering, coercing, or drugging them and violating them. There is a guy that YOU sat next to in the Union foodcourt who has GHB or Rohypnol in his pocket and he is waiting to target someone.
(Incidentally, in 1996 the Federal Drug-Induced Rape Prevention and Punishment Act added a mandatory 20-year prison sentence for rapes where a controlled substance, like GHB, was used to incapacitate the victim. But across the culture, rape, particularly acquaintance rape and drug/alcohol-facilitated rape, is on the rise.)
People often ask, “How can women protect themselves from violence? What preventative steps can they take?"

I answer: How does anyone protect himself or herself from violence? It permeates our society; it is often random. There are a million sexual assaults of men, women, and children in our country alone each year. The answer seems to be that we must change our campus, our community, our societal response.

Individual women have been altering their behavior--actually, giving up freedoms--trying to avoid rape for decades (or Centuries? Millennia?).
No walking alone at night,
no walking in certain places,
keep your doors and windows locked,
don't date without friends along,
don't leave a beverage unattended-- Let me ask you this: How many KSU men worry about leaving their window open on a warm, breezy summer night? A better question--how many KSU men would shut up their windows and doors on a warm, breezy, Saturday night and stay inside?

We have lists to reduce crime risk here in the Women's Center that we hand out at all our presentations. But these lists cannot begin to address the issue of why so many men use their strength to hurt and control others. No matter what women do to lower their risk of being raped, it doesn't address why our society and law enforcement and legal system and media aren't furious and up in arms over the epidemic of sexual violence.
          see HERE
for more on this.

One of the most promising changes are the men's groups springing up all over the country, especially on campuses, as allies in the campaign for nonviolence. When men begin to challenge other men on primitive, brutal, criminal behaviors, change will come so much faster.
In the meantime,
consider these statistics:
*People of both sexes and all ages, races, abilities, positions, sexual orientation and economic status are victims of rape.
*At least 75% of rapes are committed by acquaintances of the victim, often in the victims’ own home.
 *About 90% of all rapes are planned; it is a myth that rape is an uncontrollable, impulsive act of sexual gratification.
 *The National Victim Center and Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center estimate that there are 1.3 rapes in the U.S. every minute.

*Between 1 out of 3 and 1 out of 7 women will be raped in her lifetime.

*FBI statistics indicate that rape is one of the fastest-growing and most underreported crimes in the nation..

At least 20% of adult women, 15% of college women, and 12% of adolescent girls have experienced some form of sexual abuse or assault.


fu'cryin' out loud.

Riley County Domestic Violence Task Force Remembrance Event: October 1, 2010--Silent Witness

At the Riley County Courthouse in Manhattan Kansas, a group of people gathered to remember how we lost women, men, and children:
Lost to violence committed by those who should have loved them most.
Relational violence is mind-bending,
 as the Power to Hurt and Control others is used to temporarily assuage inferior feelings.
What a loss; how sad for us. To hurt those of our own species, our mates, our co-parents, our children.
Well, you can read about the personality style that does this HERE.  You can learn more about Domestic Violence HERE and HERE.

Here are some pictures of the Remembrance event; The Crisis Center Inc invited the Community to come.
After the pictures are some facts about this horrible crime. Here is a youtube video of one of the stark and moving readings of the event.
.: click the video twice to enlarge.
When someone says,
"WHY DOESN'T SHE JUST LEAVE HIM?" please tell them that
women DO leave, and are beaten and killed, along with their children, when they do.


Click on pic to enlarge


The Crisis Center Inc Prepares for the Event

Lost to Violence

Speakers Prepare to Read the Crimes.
Detective Darla King became visibly moved
as she read of the loss of a law enforcement officer.

Riley County Courthouse



Judy Davis, Director of the Crisis Center Inc

A K-State Student

A male silouette marks the loss of a law enforcement officer

Why Doesn't she just Leave Him?

Our own Captain Don Stubbings, K-State Police

The Riley County Courthouse.
 Perhaps there would have been hundreds of people to mark the memory of those lost if this issue was more highly discussed in the media and lindsay lohan's exploits were left to her parents to discuss.
Among those attending the event were the SANE SART nurses, the mayor, members of the Flint Hills Sexual Assault Coalition, the county attorney, and the leaders of the RCPD, along with K-State Police, students from the K-State Women's Center, and others.



The Crisis Center Inc website is HERE.

October Is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

The Silent Witnesses remind us that domestic violence – always harmful – is often lethal.
In Kansas, intimate partner homicides constituted
· 17 % of all homicides in 2004
· 11 % of all homicides in 2005
· 9 % of all homicides in 2006
· 10.5 % of all homicides in 2007
· 8.6 % of all homicides in 2008

From 1866 - 2007, 241 Kansas Law Enforcement Officers lost their lives in the line of duty. Fifteen of those officers were killed while intervening in domestic violence cases.
The Riley County Domestic Violence Task Force was formed late in 1995 to develop and sustain a coordinated, community-wide response to domestic violence. Task Force members are: Sunflower CASA, Crisis Center, Inc., Ft. Riley Family Advocacy Program, Pawnee Mental Services, Riley County Attorney, Riley County Court Services, Riley County Police Department, SRS, and Stepping Stones Child Advocacy Center.

For victims of sexual and domestic violence, the Crisis Center provides free, confidential assistance, 24-hours a day. If you or someone you know needs help, please call 1-800-727-2785.
Friday, October 1st  12:00 p.m.  Riley County Courthouse Plaza

We will unveil the silhouettes and share the stories of a dozen Kansas victims of domestic homicide, including members of our regional community.

Riley County Domestic Violence Task Force
A Project of the Crisis Center, Inc.
785/539-7935

Task Force members include representatives from:
CASA, Crisis Center, Inc., Ft. Riley Family Advocacy Program, KSU Family Center, KSU Police Department, Mercy Hospital, Pawnee Mental Health, Riley County Attorney, Riley County Court Service, Riley County Police Department, SRS, Stepping Stones Child Advocacy Center, Community Members


For more information about the Silent Witness Program, please visit http://www.silentwitness.net/

More info regarding domestic violence:
http://marysbeagooddogblog.blogspot.com/2010/04/we-are-reaping-what-weve-sown-violent.html

watch the oscar-winning film,  DEFENDING OUR LIVES if you ever can.
http://www.cambridgedocumentaryfilms.org/defending.html

Talk About Rape in Public



Rape is such a deeply personal violation
that those who are assaulted of course find it difficult to speak about it. But as a culture and community, we have a responsibility to speak out loud about the criminal violation of rights sexual assault entails.
If you’re playing darts with some friends in a pub and your wallet is lying on the table, the unspoken rule is that no one touches your wallet but you. Your friends will jump all over someone who tries to break that rule.
Wouldn’t it be great if we protected each other the same way? If there was an unspoken rule that someone’s very person, much more valuable than a wallet, was off-limits unless permission was granted?

An imperative of the needed cultural shift is that boys and men learn that they never, ever, have the right to force behavior or activity involving another person. It is a theft, it is violent, and it is a primitive thuggy behavior. Who is teaching this to our children-- why?
So many men use their strength for helping, not for hurting, and for building up rather than tearing down.


 We have this type of man on the K-State campus—and perhaps as more men read and hear about the effects of sexual assault on women, more will become active in changing the culture.

There are absolutely no circumstances that make it acceptable to force sexual activity on another person. It doesn’t matter if a person has been drinking with someone all night, if they have engaged in petting, if they have had sex on previous occasions—without an active, mindful ‘Yes’ it is an assault, a criminal offense, a moral offense, a theft.

Unfortunately many women will excuse their attacker by blaming themselves. Self-blaming is a trap—feelings of guilt and shame can keep a crime victim from getting assistance, as well as prevent her from moving through the stages of healing. Victims of sexual assault need cultural permission to put the responsibility of this crime squarely on the perpetrator—the thief who denied them the choice.

Looking at the perpetrators for a moment, consider someone who wants to intoxicate their date with alcohol or drugs to the point where they are unable to respond or interact meaningfully. How utterly pathetic and Neanderthalesque that a human would want to engage in activity not freely given. The idea that something as intimate and personal as sexuality might be taken violently or with trickery goes against the direction of all human respect, morality, and intelligence.

It’s important to talk about difficult things, and after someone who has been victimized by sexual crime has done grief work, and addressed the physical, emotional, and relational aftermath of rape, and has moved on—it is still important to talk, if not for herself anymore then for others, to revive hope in those who have not yet found a voice to begin their own healing. I thank those who have given me their stories. I will be posting many more next week.

Presentation: The Amazing
Healing and Resilience of Women
and the Trickery of the Criminal.
by Mary Todd
The accounts crime victims give me reflect two sides of the story: the violent, evil, unasked for intrusion into their life that forms the ugly side of the story, as well as the restorative side, comprised of healing and growth, of finding a strength, endurance, and spirit inside that many women did not know they had.







more
HERE  teach your sons
and
 HERE reports of rape
and
HERE the manhattan serial rapist





cat photos are from internet images and logos were designed by me for the production, The Art of Rape by Mary todd

My Strength posters
From Men Can Stop Rape .org

The issue of  false accusations.
 The false rape society blog asked,
 "have you ever really heard of a rape victim being blamed for the rape?"
yikes. what were you wearing? drinking? was your window open? did you wear make up?! didn't you smile and hold the door open for him!?
answer here and
click  HERE and   HERE and HERE


more here:




The wolf in Sheep's Clothing:







more HERE

Because he was my boyfriend..... A poem




Because he was my boyfriend

[so, He murdered my mother but it wasn’t really murder because he was my boyfriend.

[He stole my car but it wasn’t theft because he was my boyfriend.
He hit me in the eye but it wasn’t assault because he was my boyfriend.]


Actually

He raped me and forced me to do things I

Did

Not

Want

To

Do

But They Said it wasn’t
Really
Rape
because

he was my boyfriend


click to enlarge and print

Topeka, Domestic Violence, and the Embarrassment of Relational and Political Bullying


Demeaned on yet another level: Our mothers, sisters, friends and children take another hit. Why are those who raise the national treasure not the first to be well-served? How can we allow the youngest humans to grow in an environment of brutish behavior, bullying, and injustice?
What can one say when once again, those most deserving of a community's assistance, protection, and justice
 are treated with such ___________.
 I got no words.

Wendy Murphy has words:
 "America’s shameful un-equal protection clause"  HERE
and HERE:   "Punishing abusers key to protecting women: ...
As many as 10 million children a year are exposed to domestic violence, causing them to suffer emotional and psychological harm, not to mention that they grow up believing that smacking your spouse is part of a “normal” relationship. No surprise then that boys who watch their fathers beat their mothers are far more likely as adults to do the same thing to their female partners.
    ...Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury for American women between ages 15 and 44.
Among homeless women and children, half are homeless because of domestic violence..."

Please watch the academy-award winning documentary, Defending Our Lives.
   "Domestic violence is the single greatest cause
of injury to women in America -
more than muggings, rapes, and car accidents combined.
A woman in the United States is more likely to be killed by her partner than by any other assailant..."
abc news story HERE regarding the politics in topeka.
Christian Science Monitor story "Why Topeka, Kan., repealed its ban on domestic violence" HERE

Domestic Violence Information: KSU Women's Center page HERE
Commemorating those
 who died: October Memorial HERE

The perpetrators: HERE

The fact is, those who batter their partners or their children are not given a consequence which deters them.

Wendy Murphy
writes, "...Even if education and cultural re-training might help some day, while we’re waiting around for our species to evolve, we need to give all endangered women a 45 caliber equalizer and we need to ramp up the punishment of batterers so that beating a woman isn’t sentenced on par with spitting on the sidewalk.
Anti-incarceration advocates will tell you that prison isn’t fun – and that it often spawns a toxic mental software that makes men who enter come out worse than ever when their sentence wraps up.
But if fear of becoming a monster in prison, and respect for women isn’t enough to deter a man from beating his wife, he’s already toxic – and putting him behind bars will prevent him from infecting innocent others with his poison. Punishment isn’t the only way to stop violence, but it is a legitimate and effective feature of our legal system. Lots of research shows how states that send a higher percentage of criminals to prison have lower rates of crime, even after controlling for all of things like poverty and urbanization.
But incarceration is a dirty word in the lexicon of some liberals who claim that locking people up gives the government dangerous amounts of power and threatens the freedom of the individual.
They’re wrong.
The freedom of FEMALE individuals is actually greatly enhanced when criminals who target women for violence are incapacitated.
But our legal system doesn’t care. And despite decades of disastrous statistics, our political leaders don’t care, either. In fact, nobody in a position of leadership is even complaining about the lack of justice for victimized women.
Earlier this month, there was a big to-do in D.C. about women’s issues in the Obama Administration. Lynn Rosenthal, whose responsibility it is to deal with violence against women on behalf of the president, gave a lovely talk about all sorts of things, but never once mentioned the profound failure of law to redress domestic violence or the desperate need for tougher punishments for batterers. Deval Patrick and his administration have been equally impotent.
Obviously, the men who promised “change” and “hope” for a better society, and who haven’t shied away from talking about the need for tough punishments for corporate criminals, have little “hope” to offer women in danger. They’re just two more politicians in a long line of others who value stuff more than women’s lives.
Wendy Murphy is a leading victims rights advocate and nationally recognized television legal analyst. She is an adjunct professor at New England Law in Boston. She can be reached at wmurphy@nesl.edu.


Sadness. I know you may be tired of this issue, i certainly am. How long before we no longer tolerate this?!
It is to me a thing most curious, that within our species,
among our own families,
power, strength, should be used to hurt..
Relational violence is mind-bending,
as this Power to Hurt and Control others is used to temporarily take the edge off of feelings of inferiority.
What a loss;
how sad for us, that our culture has so many who will hurt those not only of their own species, but their very mates, their children....
Our own real stories and stats  HERE


"...While you SCREAM at your woman, there’s someone wishing to whisper softly in her ear… While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND and INSULT her, there’s someone wanting to please her and remind her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there’s someone wanting to love her. While you make your woman CRY there’s someone wanting to make her smile…"

If only I had a big stab wound...


"maybe then the police would believe i had been raped. "

Dang...

I hate it when the police do not believe a woman.
how many students have made the effort to report--with ALL THAT ENTAILS-- then the police, after grilling her several times, do not even interview the alleged perpetrator--do NOT EVEN INTERVIEW HIM! 
 (answer: too many)
We have really great police officers, and we have untrained or noncaring ones.
if they only knew the enormous difference they make.
also,
 how am i able to say, sure , yeah, excellent choice, to report this crime--
if there is a 50-50 chance the CRIME VICTIM will be treated like a liar. and the perpetrator is not even given the tiny little fear of a police officer or detective interviewing him.
I thought that was something they like to do? Scare, trick, shame, cajol a rapist into admitting something that will get the case some justice.


i wont leave a mark dagnabit




give me all your money. (don't fight him, just give him your money!)
           give me your purse.

cry sometimes, laugh somtimes.




Maybe
 the fact that
the TV sensational anchors only report the 2% of weird cases, troubled reports, sociopathic liars, and smarmy stuff--completely ignoring the EPIDEMIC of sexual violence--
 is one reason....


Our Public Service Announcement
 in collaboration with the Journalism Department...


 




The Run Against Rape...
to benefit the hospital in the Congo...